The Change

Hey Fam,

Okay, so it's been more than a week. Please forgive me. Back to the details. I wrestled with the rift in my life caused by my willful sins. Not just porn, but lust in general, false pride, and chronic selfishness.

As I continued through life, all my relationships with others became tainted with my sinfulness. I dealt with it by numbing my pain with marijuana, but when I became a teacher, I began to really worry. Would my lust cause me to enter into a relationship with a student that would ruin me? Would I show up high at a school event and get fired? Would I allow fear to push me out of education?

My life of sin, my disconnection from God had caused me to doubt my own decision making ability. After all, I had done what I KNEW was wrong for so long, how could I suddenly just turn around and DO right? Then God took me to Ephesians 1:4-5. I read,

"For God chose you, in Christ, BEFORE THE CREATION OF THE WORLD to be HOLY and BLAMELESS before Him. In LOVE He predestined me to be ADOPTED as His SON."

Really? So I'm not supposed to be this fearful, weak willed, slave to sin? God doesn't delight in judging me, telling me my faults, and being irratated with my constant lack of faith? Not according to this passage. I was never CREATED to be stuck in sin.

I meditated upon this truth every day. I read it aloud to myself as I looked into my eyes in a mirror. At first, I laughed at the ridiculousness of it, but slowly, my voice gave way to God's voice, and I began to hear Him say it. That changed everything. Thoughts?